life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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