My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
