i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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