covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
