You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
