Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
