just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
