Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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