So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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