Screwed.edu
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i think i have herpe
just one?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
