she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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