Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
