Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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