Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
