Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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