I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize