im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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