You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
