He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize