The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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