yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
