Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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