There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
