I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
