i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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