They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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