im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
