I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize