the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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