Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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