What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
