I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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