my phone cant type all the emotion im having
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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