So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
