So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize