I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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