Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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