I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
