She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
