We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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