I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Randomize
