I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
