one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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