i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if only i could text you this smell
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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