im six kinds of drunk right now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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