listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
