how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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