at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
