I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize