i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
