Pants 0. Shit 1.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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