I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
