You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
