You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
