I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
