Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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