so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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