He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
