omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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