But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
