I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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