Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
