We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
did i just pee glitter
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
