He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
