If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
