I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
