i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
