The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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