i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
