if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
