Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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