I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
