sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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