did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
