I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
