I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize