Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Too much gin, very little bucket
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
