oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
