I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
