Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
