Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
