Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
