Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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