Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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