grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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