what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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