Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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