And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
