planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
