yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
