just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦â€
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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