So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
