Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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