You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize