i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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