Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize