is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
